Why do I eat and drink some of the things I do? I do it for you. Do you think I would drink snakes blood mixed with liquor on my day off?! Well...Maybe I would. In any respect, here's a list of some of the gross stuff I've ingested and imbibed:
BELGIUM – I had liquor made from Brussels sprouts. It tasted like anisette (black liquorish), Brussels sprouts, and booze. I wouldn’t recommend it to my enemies—not that I have any enemies… That I know of.
BELIZE – Viper rum. They put a LIVE snake into a bottle and fill it with rum. The snake dies, and likely defecates himself. Not good for the taste… Not good for the snake.
PHILIPPINES – Balut is the only thing I’ve refused to ingest on “Three Sheets” or “Have Fork, Will Travel.” A duck egg takes 25 days to hatch. With the tasty little Filipino treat called Balut, they hard boil the egg after 12 days. Crack it open and you’ll find, sitting atop the hard-boiled albumen (egg white), a baby duck with feathers, feet and a beak. Throw on some salt and vinegar and it’s time to eat—or in my case, “Time to dry heave.”
TAIPEI - In “Snake Alley” they add several snake “contributions” to Kaoliang (a strong Taiwanese rum). I had it mixed with cobra bile, venom, blood and a SNAKE PENIS. Why? There I also had fried crickets with French fries stuck up their asses. You could bread and fry my finger and I think it would taste good. What doesn’t taste good fried? Fried crickets—yum!
SOUTH KOREA – When I was sitting around playing “the game of death,” I was eating chicken, which was cooking on a grill in the middle of our table. Only afterwards did I find out that they were chicken ANUSES.
PRAGUE/CZECH REPUBLIC – It’s not bad enough that I had to drink absinthe in Prague. But one of the bottles had a giant dead beetle in it. Again—why??
SAIGON – OK, in Belize I had rum with a dead snake in it. But in Saigon, I had wine with about 10 snakes, 10 geckos and a handful of seahorses soaking in it. Gross…
PORTUGAL – Lamprey isn’t just a super (and difficult to spell) last name. It’s also the name of a fish, or more specifically, “a parasitic blood-sucking eel.” In Portugal they’re the size of baseball bats. To prepare fresh lamprey, they throw it in boiling water to “shock it,” then slice open its abdomen and drain its blood into a frying pan. They then cook it in its own blood. The resulting dish is purple and tastes like, well, fish soaked in blood. After eating it for dinner, I woke up at 3am and vomited. It still tasted like blood. Uh… Tough being a lamprey in Portugal.
