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November 8, 2009
COME SEE ME ON THE ROAD!
I'm hitting the road! Am I angry at it? No, the road does not deserve to be hit...
But that's not stopping me!
The last time I asked for your help, it was to SAVE THREE SHEETS. A year ago, we took to the streets of Los Angeles and New York to let the networks know that that our show needed to find a new home. It worked! And now we’re on FLN.
I need your help again. I’m going on the road with my DRINKING MADE EASY tour. I’ll be hitting a bunch of locations around California and one in Reno, Nevada. My tour is a multi-media presentation about “drinks, drinking and being drunk”. Like watching Three Sheets, you’ll be laughing so much, you won’t realize that you’re actually learning something. At least, that’s the goal. I’m so excited that Marc Ryan, my comedian friend from the Las Vegas episode, will be opening up for me. It’ll be an incredible show. Oh, and tickets are $20 or less.
Here’s where I need your help. In order for me to take this tour national next year, we need to knock ‘em dead in California. We need to show the venues, and the bookers, that this show is big enough to take on the road. If we don’t pack these rooms, the tour may never get east of the San Andreas fault line.
So, if you’re in California, come out and see the show and invite your friends. It’ll be fun! If you live elsewhere, tell your friends in California about the show. The best way for the show to get out there is by word-of-mouth. As always, it comes down to you guys. Check out the Tour dates and venues below.
DRINKING MADE EASY
Shooting "Three Sheets" for the last four years, talking constantly about my "job", and having completed my book about drinking around the world (which comes out next spring), I have become an accidental expert on alcohol. So, now I’m now a comedian whose head is full of generally useless factoids about drinking.
I'm going on tour, across the country, to dump this information (disguised as jokes) on you.
Before I started doing "Three Sheets," I appreciated alcohol—I appreciated that it gave me a buzz! But, having visited over fifty countries, talking with producers and enthusiasts of various libations, I've come to appreciate booze for what it is, how it came to be, and the traditions surrounding it, rather than just for the way it makes me feel.
Appreciating what goes into a bottle of scotch, champagne, tequila, or beer, makes you able to appreciate their nuances. I've found that learning about alcohol can actually make the drink better!
I'll be performing my "DRINKING MADE EASY" tour to drop some knowledge, debunk some myths, and tell a few jokes - all so that so that you may appreciate alcohol. We'll discuss beer, wine, and spirits, and talk about their history, how they're made, and the customs surrounding them. I'll break down fermentation, distillation and inebriation. And I’ll probably be drinking in the process.
Oh, but remember, I'm a comedian, so I may tell stories about what Steve McKenna does when he gets drunk, swear like a sailor, or make fun of the audience... So, feel free to drink along.
Cheers!
Zane
Tour Dates
December 2009
Thu 03 The Catalyst, Santa Cruz, CA
Fri 04 Tonic Bar, Reno, NV
Sat 05 Fat Cat, Modesto, CA
Wed 09 Belly Up Tavern, Solana Beach, CA
Thu 10 Canyon Club, Agoura Hills, CA
Fri 11 The Coach House, San Juan Capistrano, CA
Sat 12 The Shore, Hermosa Beach, CA, USASource: Zane Lamprey
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November 1, 2009
DRUNK DIAL ME!
What’s this biznass about me giving out my phone number? Is it for real? Am I crazy?
Am I crazy?
I’m an actor. I came out to California straight from college to chase a dream. I graduated from the educational mecca that is Cortland College only to pursue a career that requires no education. So, yes, that makes me at least a little bit crazy. Or, a lot.
Is 310-909-7188 really my number?
Yes. Call me. Or are you afraid I’ll answer?
So, why am I giving it out?
Well, it’s not my primary line. I wouldn’t compromise my personal cell phone that my family calls me on. But it is a secondary line that I do answer. Usually, I let it go to voicemail. But when I’m driving in LA traffic, I do pick it up occasionally. In the first two days, I talked to about 20 people. Traffic was bad…
With this new number, I can also send messages out. If you leave a message, your phone number (if you called from a mobile phone) goes in the system. Then, whenever I record a new message, it texts you to let you know that I left a message. It’s not the same as my outgoing message, it’s a message I record to send out to anyone who’s called me.
I can also set it to text people within a certain number of miles of where I am to let them know that I’m in the area. So, if I’m at a bar, party or doing stand up in your area, I may send you a text to let you know that I left you a message. If you EVER want the texts to stop, just follow the directions that follow every text. I’m not trying to bug anybody and I respect your privacy. If you like getting the texts, cool. If not, it ain’t no thang but a chicken wang. No worries.
I’m adding a “widget” to my homepage that will let you play the messages that people leave me. I don’t care what you talk about in your message, just please be respectful of people that may be listening—like kids… I’m not saying that kids frequent my site. But… Whatever. You get the point. Be funny all you want, just keep it PG-13.
If I do pick up the phone, I’d love it if you had a question about Three Sheets. I’ll keep the calls brief so I can connect with the largest number of people.
As you can imagine, I’m not into answering personal questions. So, ask me about a scene from the show, someone I met while shooting, or what I thought of a drink that I had. Of course, you can also ask me about what other shows I watch, if I think the Lakers will take another one this year, or if I’d take an Aston Martin Vanquish over a Ferrari 599 GTB. Keep it light.
That being said, feel free to drunk dial me! Have yersulf some liquid courage and gimme a holler! But remember that it’s being recorded…
Source: Zane Lamprey
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October 22, 2009
ZANE vs. HANGOVERS
My job is to “explore foreign drinking cultures while partaking in the local libations”. Therefore, it goes without saying that one of the hazards of “exploring” too deeply, is the dreaded hangover. But in contrast to the veritable plethora of incredible customs and traditions that I’ve found surrounding the making and consuming of various alcoholic concoctions, I’ve found very few remedies to make a night of over-working any less painful the next morning.
The two ways to avoid a hangover are to NOT DRINK or NOT STOP DRINKING. But, as those are not desirable for most of us, here are my thoughts on a few remedies.
Food is often thrown around as a sure cure. Putting ourselves into a self-induced food coma can sometimes take some of the pain away. This is one that I lived by, and one of the reasons I was tipping the scale at a not-so-svelte 210 pounds by season three. At that point, I’d take any excuse to pull into a Krispy Kreme, even if the “Hot Doughnuts” sign wasn’t illuminated. Food does do the trick sometimes. But there are others that I’ve found more effective.
Overall, if I had to rate food and it’s efficiency at curbing a hangover’s symptoms, I’d give it two out of three sheets. 2/3
“Hair-of-the-dog” is often thrown around as a way to get back to normal. But, unless “normal” for you is buzzed, it’s not always an option. And if my stomach has gotten involved in my hangover, the alcohol may come up as quickly as it went down. For this reason, I give it one out of three sheets. 1/3
Spicy food is popular in many countries, including Mexico, South Korea and Thailand, as a means of sweating out what you drank the previous night. But, as one of the primary symptoms of (and causes of) a hangover is dehydration, sweating it out may actually make things worse. However, if you combine spicy food with plenty of liquids, it can actually do the trick. Two out of three sheets .2/3
Fire-cupping was certainly an interesting experience, but I found it about as effective of treating my hangover as sitting in a chair. In Hong Kong, a man put suction cups on my back to get my blood moving.
The result: I still felt like ass, but now I looked like I was attacked by an octopus. If I had to rate its effectiveness from one sheet to three sheets, I’d give it a zero. 0/3
Jumping into freezing water, in my case 34 degrees, is a great way to get rid of your hangover—if you don’t go into shock. It’s kind of like having a blister on your foot, and having your “friend” decide to punch you in the stomach. You don’t really feel the blister because you just got hit in the gut. When I jumped into the icy fjord in Denmark, the pain of being engulfed in ice-cold water made my hangover an after-thought. When survival is your body’s primary objective, a hangover is not a issue. By the time I ran (naked) to the sauna, I was feeling great! As far as curing a hangover, I’d have to give it three out of three sheets. 3/3
In Queenstown, New Zealand, they are nuts about their extreme sports. It’s the birthplace of bungee jumping and the canyon swing. I opted for the canyon swing. I thought it sounded easier. I like swings. I used to have on in my back yard. But my swing wasn’t like this. When I stepped onto that platform, and looked over the edge, my testicles shriveled up into a vagina. Staring down more than 300 feet to the river below, there was no way that I could have jumped off that thing. If, while watching the show, it looks like I jumped, great. I didn’t. I fell. My endorphin, adrenaline and anything else that the body kicks out to prepare you for a crash landing pumped so hard that my hangover was gone. I was just happy to be alive. I give it a solid four out of three sheets. 4/3
Ted’s Tea Shack in Jamaica get the highest marks (key word being “high”). There, in Ted’s 200 square foot house, he whipped me up a pot of pot (tea). It was four buds of marijuana, pot, ganja, reefer, bud, Buddha, green, stink weed, wacky tobaccy—)OK, you get the point) boiled in water and honey. I drank a full cup, and has a piece of his “special” cake. After about 30 minutes, I felt better. Ted laughed and said “No, mon. You won’t be feeling that for 20 more minutes.”
He was right. In 20 minutes, I couldn’t feel my legs, let along a hangover. I was supposed to shoot another scene that day. There was no chance of that happening… I’m certainly not advocating the use of drugs to cure a hangover, although it’s not like aspirin and booze aren’t drugs. Sure, it cured my hangover—but I couldn’t function for two days. However, purely based on its ability to rid me of my hangover, I give it ten out of three sheets. 10/3
Zane
Source: Zane Lamprey
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September 2, 2009
MY FAVORITE COUNTRY
I’m constantly being asked where my favorite country to visit has been. Easy question. Long answer… That would be like picking a favorite sibling. Uh… On second thought, maybe it’s tougher than that.
The locations that we chose to shoot Three Sheets in are places that have rich drinking cultures, customs and traditions. So they’re all great to begin with. Also, it’s also very subjective. Just because I like a place, or had a good experience there, doesn’t mean that you will.
For example, I had a great time in Croatia. The weather was great, the people I met were amazing, and the food and drinks were top notch. But you might happen to visit there when it’s cold and rainy, run into someone who’s having a bad day and hit up a restaurant on the chef’s day off. If I recommended going there, and that was your experience, you’d think I was nuts.
On the other hand, I got my camera stolen in Barcelona, came down with the flu in Wales, and was hospitalized with amoebic dysentery in Bangkok, so they wouldn’t be at the top of my list. But you might have met your wife in Barcelona, tracked your family’s roots in Wales, and seen something completely unbelievable done with a ping-pong ball in Bangkok, so they may be some of your favorite places.
As far as drinking destinations are concerned, I found the obvious ones, like Scotland (whisky), Ireland (Guinness and whiskey), Belgium (beer), and Champagne (duh) surpassed my expectations. But places that I wouldn’t have thought would be great places to do episodes in, like Hong Kong, Croatia, Lithuania and Manila, ended up being some of our best shows. I can’t say that I had a better time in Croatia than I did in Belgium. And I can’t say that Manila was any more fun than Ireland—or vice versa.
I could say that one of the best places to drink beer is Belgium—but that would be with the caveat that you also visit the Czech Republic.
The South Koreans were a blast! But so were the Germans. Tahiti was beautiful, but so was New Zealand. Amsterdam was wild, so was Las Vegas…
Often people will turn it around on me as say “OK, fine, where would you go back to?”. For what? Beer? Wine? Sake? Whiskey? Whisky? Vodka? The city? The country? The jungle? The beaches?
See? By asking me my favorite place to drink, you’ve turned me into a politician. I’m forced to give you an answer, qualified by a few more answers, and then a few more.
While shooting Three Sheets (and Have Fork, Will Travel), I’ve been to over 100 cities in more than 50 countries. Wanna know what country’s my favorite? The one I live in. Sure, we’ve got our problems, but so does everyone else. If given the choice, I’d choose to live here over anywhere else. In fact, I have.
Wanna know what city’s my favorite? That’s another long answer…
Zane
Source: Zane Lamprey
